Episode 5

Episode 5

You know there are things that you tell yourself you will never ever do. I never thought I’ll ever let a lesbian see my punami. Now I believe when they say ‘never say never’. I didn’t even know how lesbians do it. My cousin told me they use toys. I always wondered why a girl would dump the real thing and opt for a toy. With all that has been happening to me lately, I wouldn’t blame myself for doing what JT made me do.

She made me stretch my legs a bit so she could have a full access to my nanana. She squeezed my butt with her hands and said ‘ntwana, ezi ya gago e causa havoc” (Babe, you have a fine ass). Lol that almost cracked me, I guess it was her way of talking dirty. She was practically on her knees while her head was between my thighs like a piglet on her mom’s breast. Her tongue was long and a bit thick so when she softly attacked my clitoris with it, I felt like a little kid after receiving a new toy from her father. I’ve been muffed by several guys before but this lesbian was on another level. My body went cold… warm… mild… cold… warm… mild and I almost screamed like those girls on ETV after-12 movies then I remembered we are in a garage. She paused for a moment, I think to catch her breath and I quickly said “Don’t even think of stopping now…don’t you dare. Finish what you started”. It was like I gave her a Red Bull cause she started licking with my clitoris like a cat lapping delicious milk. You know that nice feeling you get when you ‘earbud’ your itchy inner ear? That’s how I felt at that moment. My cake emitted some discharge and it has never happened to me before. My whole body vibrated for about 30 seconds… I don’t know how it happened but I found myself whispering “I love you JT, I love you JT, I love you JT” and she went “le nna ka o ncanywa ntwana”. After those spasmic vibrations JT went up and kissed me like I have never been kissed before. Shit this girl is a muffing mafia. As I was enjoying the kiss my phone rang. I ignored it, you’d do the same if you were in my shoes. The person called again and JT opened the car door for me to answer my phone. Nxa it was my roomie, she forgot her keys inside our room and she wanted me to open for her. Nxa this mozalwane chick doesn’t have timing bathong. JT said I can go upstairs and he’ll wait for me. I said no, he can leave cause I wanna study. I pulled up my leggings and opened the garage for my muffing mafia. With that we did our GOOD byes and I headed to the lift.

When I got inside the lift there were 2 girls and as they were getting out of the lift the other 1 said to her friend “chomi, were you eating fish?”. WTF, I thought to myself, my pussy doesn’t smell like fish. Maybe they were talking about a fish from Fish & Chips. When I got to 6th floor I found Kea waiting for me impatiently. Like duh, it’s not my fault she forgot her keys. On the other hand, I was happy she bought supper for us. You’d swear this girl had a crush on Cyril Ramaphosa. She loved McDonald’s like nobody’s business. She asked me why I’m smiling and I told her I’m happy to see her. I couldn’t tell her about the muffing mafia cause she’d probably call Mbhoro, Pastor Chris, Pastor Chifhiwa and all pastors to come pray for me. You know how bazalwane discriminate against gays and lesbians. As soon as we got in the room I took a bath and ate supper. Dumi called and asked if I’m ok. I told him I’m fine but can’t talk for too long cause I’m studying. He said fine, he’ll see me tomorrow. I wish he could turn lesbian tomorrow. I studied for about 2 hours and slept afterwards. I had a very beautiful dream. I was in Mauritius with some hunk and everything was just so cool nje. Maybe these are the kinda dreams people have after getting a super muff.

In the morning I woke up early cause i had a morning class. I hate Friday classes, it’s so difficult to concentrate. I wished Kea good luck for her interview and left. I attended 3 classes and after that I headed back to my place. It was around 2pm and Kea wasn’t back yet. Maybe she went to her Bible what what. I took a nap and only woke up when Kea opened the door. I checked my phone, there were 10 missed calls. 2 from Sipho and 8 from Dumi. I wanted to call Sipho but my heart advised me against it. He probably wanted to blame me for the miscarriage if his wife miscarried. I called Dumi and he said he was on his way to my place cause I ignored his calls. I told him I was sleeping and he said I must be ready in 30 minutes. We are going to chill with his friends at Industrial Shisanyama. The mention of Industrial made me hungry. Their fish is off the hook. I took a quick bath and put on my favourite shorts, t-shirt and Tomy sneakers. Dumi came to fetch me and we headed to Industrial. There were 2 guys in the car. Dumi introduced them to me but I only caught the name of the 1 sitting on the seat behind Dumi. He said his name is Kabelo. He’s one of those handsome yellow bones who would make you wet by just looking at them. Industrial has 2 parkings, the one by the Car Wash and another 1 is hidden at the back. Dumi chose the hidden 1. We went inside and drinks started flowing. Beside their delicious fish, Industrial is also known for the nice music they play. Around 10 PM Dumi’s phone rang and he ran outside to to answer it. Few minutes later Kabelo’s phone rang. He also went outside to answer it. Now it was just me and the other guy. He wasn’t a nerd like Dumi, we actually had a very cool conversation. While we were talking some guy wearing an EFF beret and overall came to where we were sitting and asked if he can have my number. I asked if he’s too blind to see I’m sitting with a man and he left without uttering a word. Lol these guys think they can expropriate everything without compensation, including girls. It was kinda getting cold so I went outside to look for Dumi so he can take me to my flat to take my jacket. I looked all over but he was nowhere to be seen. I thought maybe he’s in the car, so I headed straight to the parking. From 3 metres away, I could see there were 2 people in the car and it looked as if they were kissing. WTF…it can’t be Dumi, he’s too nerdy to cheat. My heart was beating heavier and faster. When I got closer I couldn’t believe what I saw….

Dumi and Kabelo were ……..

THE END

Episode 4

Episode 4

Maybe I should change my name to Mathata. I’ve been experiencing a string of bad luck lately. Maybe it’s high time I went to Moria. Most people from Limpopo go to Moria when most things in their lives don’t go well. I can always ask my lesbian friend to drive me to Boyne (Moria) right now. She did promise she can drive me to the end of the world.

Seeing blood coming from between a woman’s legs is some scary shit. At first I thought she was on periods but remembered she’s pregnant. Part of me wanted to help her but I thought what if she grabs me and bite me to death. You never know with Xhosa women, anything is possible with them. I once saw them fighting for a piece of meat at some party in Centurion. Looking at her I could see she’s in deep pain. I’ve never experienced miscarriage and don’t know how it feels but from what I heard it’s painful, both physically and emotionally. I ran upstairs to call Sipho. I screamed for him to get out of the bedroom and he replied “no, I’m not coming. Lethosa le le nyaka go mpolaya (This Xhosa wants to kill me). I told him she fell and she’s unable to move. He unlocked the door and ran downstairs. I followed him with the same pace. Instead of helping her, he ran straight to the door without even looking at her. Then I remembered stories of Xhosa women beating up their men. I think Sipho was one of those men, a victim of men abuse. I screamed “Fool, your wife is bleeding from the pussy”. I think that stopped him from running. He immediately went to her and asked if she’s ok. This fool thou, he can see she’s bleeding and he’s asking if she’s ok. She went “Sbhanxa ndini ndisezintlungwini. Ndiyafa kaloku” (You moron, I’m in pain. I’m dying). You know a person is in pain when they use their native language. Sipho asked me to help him carry her to his car. I was reluctant for a minute but the look in her eyes triggered sympathy in me. I helped him to carry her to the car and as soon as we put her inside I told Sipho I’m leaving. I don’t think he heard me cause he went to lock the house and opened the gate.

I remembered my lesbo friend has been waiting for me for over 30 minutes. It was getting dark and I had school work to do. When I got to JT’s car she was smoking cigarette and listening to some kwaito song by Mapaputsi. This chick is such a man. She could read my face that I wasn’t fine. When she asked what’s wrong I cried and asked her to drive me home. She didn’t ask many questions and within 15 minutes we were in Sunnyside. My phone beeped and it was an SMS from Sipho. It read: “I took my wife to Unitas Hospital. If the baby dies it’s your fault. Hope satan eats you for lunch in hell”.

I maintained a cool face cause I was not in mood to explain what transpired to JT. But deep inside I was burning and furious. Didn’t he say he’s not even sure the baby is his? When we got to my place I asked JT to park her car inside our garage cause I didn’t wanna be alone at that moment. Although me and my roomie didn’t have a car, our apartment was allocated a garage. When we got into the garage I asked her if we can just chill in the car for few minutes and she said “No stress ntwana”. I told her to half-close the garage door cause I didn’t wanna hear noises from outside. When she got back into the car I was crying. It was a bit dark in the garage but she could tell by my sobs that I was crying. She wiped my tears with her palm and said “Ntwana whatever it is, it will pass”. She didn’t even ask why I was crying. That’s one of the reasons I like this girl. She asked me to get out of the car so she can hold me in her arms to make me feel better. What a ‘gentleman’ she is.

She held me in her arms for about 5 minutes without saying a word. I felt so warm and at peace in her arms. I softly whispered “JT, kiss me”. It was like she was waiting for me to say that. She kissed me so softly and passionately and I kissed back. She made me forget about the whole Sipho drama. Her lips were so soft like the sponge we use to wash dishes and I kinda loved the taste of the sweet she ate after smoking. She did something I didn’t expect, she put her hand inside my leggings and fondled my almost excited clitoris. This lesbian is so naughty bathong. I almost said “dawg stop it” but it felt so good I shut the fuck up. My punami was getting wet and it felt so good. At that moment Mgarimbe’s Sista Bettina was playing ka low volume in her car. When the ‘samanyobinyobi’ part came she went down and pulled my leggings down.

She used her long tongue to …..

THE END

Episode 3

Episode 3

I didn’t know how to react to the sms. I know they say black girls don’t turn red when angry but at that moment I turned maroon. The yellow bone me turned into a maroon bone. I mean, this guy came to my place, asked for booze and started kissing me. Now he’s accusing me of taking advantage of him. I was so mad at him right now that my pussy dried so¬†fast like biltong ya kudu. He won’t get away with this, that I promise. I will teach him a lesson he will never forgot. Nxa he has a nerve. I looked at Dumi lying on my bed still smiling and I hated him at that moment. I actually hated all men in the world. All men are heartless and think they can mess with us and get away with murder. I screamed at him to stop smiling cause there was nothing to smile about. My screaming gave him a fright that he fell off the bed. The scene was so funny that I almost cracked. I remembered I’m so mad at men and I maintained a straight face. Sometimes I think this dude is not ok upstairs. Instead of standing up he kept lying on the floor like a hungry crocodile. His eyes were glued to something under the bed. I won’t be surprised if he starts analysing the temperature under the bed. Nxa nerds can be boring sometimes. He slowly stood up and had something red in his hands. Shit I’m busted, Sipho’s ‘shortpen’ was in his hand and the look on his face was so pregnant. It’s like he was waiting for me to confess. Now the funny scene turned into a horror movie for me. Dumi is not a violent guy unlike most Zulu men I know. If he was a Zulu guy from kwaMashu I’d be on my way Steve Biko Hospital or Two Mountains Funeral Services right now. He threw the shortpen at me and it hit my nose. I know it happened so fast but I swear I smelled urine on Sipho’s shortpen. Maybe it’s time men started carrying wipes with them so they can wipe the piss remains on cocks. As soon as he was done getting dressed, he left without saying good bye. Lol this dude is such a drama queen. What happened to talking? Why is he jumping to conclusions? As I was standing in the middle of my room trying to brew what just transpired someone opened my door. WTF!!!! I wasn’t in a mood for another visitor. Before I could see who it was, I saw 3 R100 notes flying all over my room. Shit, this guy is angry at me but he didn’t forget he came here to give me R300. He just threw the money and left. He’s such a sweetheart, a sweetheart with a small dick. I’m not a gold digger but I appreciate a guy who gives me money.

Now my mind went back to Sipho. I had to think of ways to punish him. How am I going to make him pay back? I thought about Googling ‘Ways to hurt an Ex’ then I remembered he’s not my ex. A perfect idea dawned in my mind and believe you in me, I’m going ahead with this. You can judge me all you want, I don’t give an Alexandra rat’s ass. Sipho must pay for that sms. I’m going to his place to cause havoc. I took my phone and called JT. Oh by the way, JT is a lesbian friend of mine. Shim has been asking me out for days but I turned her down. I’m a believer of nature, positive and positive will never attract the same goes for negative and negative. I believe in punami + dick finish and klaar. Although I turned her off, she remained a very good friend of mine. She stays in Pretoria CBD at a flat called Nyasa by Andries Street…oh it’s called Thabo Sehume these days. Nxa ANC and name changes. She picked up her phone ka 1st ring. This girl is such a boy. She was like “ola ntwana, o grand?”. I told her I don’t have airtime and I want her to drive me to Centurion if she doesn’t mind. She went “you know for you I can drive to Giyani”. Lol I was flattered, JT thou. I told her I’ll wait for her at the robot Corner Joubert and Rissik and she said she’ll be there in 10 minutes. I took Sipho’s shortpen and put it in my bag and headed straight to the robot to wait for ‘shim’. Within 7 minutes she picked me up and we headed to Centurion. What I like about her is she’s not nosey. She didn’t even ask what we were going to do in Centurion. Maybe she’s Kermit’s brother…ouch I meant sister. The security guards at Sipho’s complex knew me well, I actually told him he looks cute few weeks earlier so I didn’t have to sign in. I knocked at Sipho’s townhouse and the Xhosa bitch opened and let me in. By the way, I asked JT to remain in the car. Sipho was watching news on eNCA when I got in. Hayi men and news thou. He reminded me of my dad. He watched news from 7pm to 10pm. He only gave us 30 minutes to watch Generations/Fire-rations. Sipho was so shocked to see me. I didn’t waste time with greetings and shit. I took out the shortpen from my bag and threw it at Sipho and ‘loudly’ whispered “next time don’t forget your privaties after good sex”. The Xhosa yellow bone turned red immediately. She jumped on Sipho like Rey Mysterio of WWE. She hit him so hard I saw blood coming out of his big nose. That’s what you get for messing with Shaz. I laughed so hard my thin ass released a warm fart. Sipho got a chance to escape and ran to his bedroom upstairs. Is this guy really from Limpopo? I expected him to show the bitch who the man was in the house. Now it was just me and the Xhosa bitch in the sitting room. She walked towards me with that ‘I-wanna-beat-you-up-bitch’ look. I felt so brave at that moment. She tried to hit me but I ducked and pushed her so hard that she fell hard on her stomach. I was expecting her to stand up so I could finish what I started. I’m a Limpopo girl, I grew up eating pap and morogo as breakfast, not bacon and eggs.

She was wearing a white mini skirt and when she fell I saw the yellowness in her on her thighs. WTF, she was crying…crying as in someone who is in deep pain. Nxa Xhosa bitches and attention seeking faking tendencies. I walked towards her to hit her on the head then something caught my eyes, a red stain on her mini skirt. The pregnant Xhosa bitch was bleeding between her legs.

WTF did I just do…did she misc….

The End

Episode 2

Episode 2

I normally hate the F- word but at that moment it was the only word I could think of. I was panicking because I didn’t know who was at the door trying to unlock. I mean, my roomie was in NW and she’s the only person who has a key to our room. Men will only be dogs when coming to sex. Instead of getting off me he whispered “I won’t be long. It will take only 10 seconds”. Shit I was so annoyed at him at that moment. No wonder his Xhosa wife cheated on him. What kinda man comes within 10 seconds? I pushed him so hard he almost fell. Everything happened within seconds. I looked at the door and noticed my key was still in the keyhole, therefore the person trying to unlock won’t succeed. I gave a sigh of relief. No one wants to be ambushed naked in the bedroom with a man, especially if that man is someone’s husband. I asked who’s at the door and Kea answered “Ke nna. Kopa o bule Shaz”. WTF is Kea doing in Pretoria? She’s supposed to be in NW with her family. Why didn’t she tell me she’s coming back? I told Sipho to get dressed and sit on the bed and pretend he was never naked or saw my wet pussy. I could see his dick was still up and hungry, I even saw some colourless liquid oozing out of his hard cock. They call it pre-cum if I’m not mistaken. I quickly dressed and headed straight to the door to unlock for Kea. When I opened Kea was so happy to see and gave me a hug. It was so awkward cause I was still wet and her presence spoiled my fun nxa.

As soon as she got in Sipho announced that he’s leaving and apologised to Kea that he’s not leaving on her account. I could see he was so mad at her for disturbing lol. He stood up and left without even looking at me. As Kea was unpacking her bag I noticed Sipho forgot his underwear on the floor. Luckily it was next to my single bed and Kea didn’t see it. I quickly kicked it to hide it under my bed. This Sipho dude thou, what kinda man wears those old-fashioned undies called ‘shortpen’ in 2014? Maybe they are still the in-thing in Limpopo. Kea told me she had to come back early because she has an interview for call centre job in Centurion. Most Tswana girls make good call centre agents, they have beautiful voices. I listened to Kea’s stories mostly about the church service the previous Sunday bla bla bla bla. Mxm I was so flippin’ bored. I wanted a dick not bloody church stories. I liked Kea but we were so different. She is 22 and I’m 20. She’s unlike other Tswana chicks I know. You’d swear she was a Venda chick. If she had to choose between life and church she’d mos def choose church. She loved her church more than anything on earth. She wasn’t working but she contributed 10% of her monthly allowance to church. She was studying Psychology thru Unisa. I’ve never heard her talking about boys, not even her baby daddy. She only told me she has a 3 year old son. Like Kermit says, it wasn’t any of my business who she shagged. I’m not one of those nosey girls who would pay $100 for gossip.

My fone beeped and it was a Whatsapp text from my BF, yes my nerd BF Dumisani. He told me he’s coming to drop the R300 I asked. Sometimes I didn’t understand Dumi. I mean in this age of EFT’s, eWallets and Cash Send nigga still preferred go becha ka letsogo. Kea said she’s going to some Bible group of some sort. This girl thou, she just came back and already she’s going to Bible groups or what what. Mmmhhh on the other hand, her leaving suited me well. I know Dumi is not a big fan of sex but today wa nyela, I’m gonna screw the hell out of him. I don’t even know why I’m in a relationship with this guy. He rather talk about how reptiles are cold-blooded animals and how 1-celled animals like amoeba were the first organisms on earth than give me a good fuck. We only had sex 5 times since we started dating in February this year. I didn’t complain cause I got it somewhere lol. I loved him thou, my Zulu prince.

He knocked at the door 5 minutes after Kea left. I opened and after kissing me on the cheek he got in. I didn’t waste time, I pushed him to the bed before he could start his reptiles kak talk. Before he could utter a word I was on top of him kissing his long ears and neck. Nerd or no nerd, I could feel tent erecting on his swagger pants and my punami smiled. I undressed him and let him undress me. I slowly kissed his lips and chin while my hand was playing with his soft balls. Step by step, my kisses and licking went downwards until I reached his hard cock. Compared to Sipho, his dick was a mere cigar but I didn’t complain at that moment cause I wanted a dick badly. My mouth is so small but there was no difficulty putting all of it in my mouth. Dumi made some sounds like that of a dog barking “hawu hawu hawu hawu hawu”. Then I remembered he’s a Zulu boy….you know they love barking. As my lips and tongue were busy playing with his hard cock, I felt a shower of sperms in my mouth. WTF did this nigga just come inside my mouth? I can give any guy a BJ but fuck man, don’t come inside my mouth. It’s disgusting and nauseating. Sperm tastes like a mixture of raw egg and sea water. I never gave this nerd a BJ before I think it was just too much for him to handle. I quickly got off him and ran to the bathroom to wash my mouth.

When I got back to the bedroom Dumi was still lying on my bed with his eyes closed and smiling ear to ear. What fuck was he celebrating? Early ejaculation? What pissed me off was his dick was down and soft. Nxa men can be so selfish, just because he came he doesn’t care about my needs anymore. My phone beeped and it was an SMS from Sipho, it read:

“I hate you Sharon. You took advantage of me because I have marital problems. You got me drunk so you can sleep with me. I’m glad we didn’t get to do anything. I don’t ever want to see you again, SLUT”

WTF……

The End

Episode 1

Episode 1

My phone rang and when I noticed it was Sipho I picked it up so fast. He told me he just found that his wife of 7 years has been sleeping with her colleague for the past three months OMG!! What worries him more was she was pregnant and he wasn’t sure if he’s the father. I listened attentively as Sipho told me his problems. At some stage I thought he was gonna cry. I have known Sipho for quite some time. He was 10 years older than me but we became very good friends when I moved to Pretoria 2 years ago. We come from the same hood in Ga-Kgapane, Tzaneen in Limpopo. He was friends with my uncle when I was still a kid. He used to give me money and buy me presents because ‘I was a cute and clever kid’. Whenever he was home he would pick me up at school…and my friends would be so jealous. My uncle always warned me that when my boobs grow he will never allow him 10 metres near me, Little he knew was I had a ‘baby crush’ on him. It happens to most girls as part of growing. My classmate had a crush on my dad and it pissed me.

To be honest, I never heard Sipho so sad and down. He told me how he was there when his wife lost her job. He made sure she had everything most women can only dream of. To make matters worse, she didn’t even deny it when he confronted her. I only met her twice or three times. She’s one of those yellow bone Xhosas from East London. Sipho asked if he can come to Sunnyside to clear his head. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I stay in Sunnyside at a flat called Flamarion, Joubert Street. It’s not far from the popular pub, House 22. I’m a nursing student doing my 2nd year. You should see me in uniform…I look so sexy, a sexy yellow bone from Limpopo. Whoever told you Limpopo doesn’t have yellow bones lied to you! Unless if he was talking about girls from Malamulele lol.

I told Sipho I was about to study but he could come. It took him less than 30 minutes he stays in Centurion. My roommate was at home in North West, so it was just me, myself and i in the flat. I asked Sipho if I can offer him a drink and he asked if I have whiskey. I laughed cause the last time I checked he didn’t drink. I told him I only have Four Cousins Sweet Rose in my fridge and he said I can pour him a glass. Most black girls from Limpopo love Four Cousins. Maybe it’s because it’s cheap. I poured myself a glass too. He started telling me about his marital problems and how he never cheated on his wife. The more glasses he drank the more emotional he got. He was standing next to the window and when he turned to look at me I saw tears flowing on his face like Victoria Falls. I stood up from my bed and gave him 1 of those warm hugs It lasted for about 2 minutes and the next thing I felt something moving on my thigh. Shit!!…did I just turn Sipho on? I was a bit embarrassed, I looked at him and he kissed me on the forehead, I wanted to push him but something happened between my legs. I must confess, it takes only 2 glasses of wine to make me tipsy and horny. Sipho kissed me and I kissed back. He didn’t waste time, he took off my t-shirt and pushed me to the bed. I wanted to say no but the wetness down there stole my words. I mean Sipho is married and he’s like an uncle to me. What the fuck was I doing? As I was digesting what was going on, he took off my little skirt and quickly took off his clothes minus socks. Whooooooo….ja it’s true what they say about men from Limpopo lol bundu if u ask me! His dick was twice my nerd bf’s. I got wetter & wetter, I asked him if he has condoms and he said he doesn’t carry them because he doesn’t cheat. Nxa…wtf was he about to do with me?

As he was about to get on top of me to do what Limpopo men do best, I heard a key turn at the door.

Shit….WTF

THE END